Disclaimer: this post is purely for amusement & LOLs ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
ISTJ: TRADITIONALIST
- has a fetish for Mon-Fri 9 to 5 jobs + benefits
- traditional AF
- this species is v endangered, please donate
- has had the same goals and dreams since they were a fetus
- productive member of society™
ESTJ: YUPPIE
- working 27/9 on multiple projects, multiple jobs & multiple underlings to command
- getting more stuff done than you’ll ever do in your lifetime
- somehow has a neater desk than you but knows how to party it up when they’re finally off hours
- fav type of party is a networking party
- actually has time and money to Netflix
INTJ: COLLECTORS
- is on all the social medias but almost never posts
- knows all the tings but never really says it
- v secretive
- will low-key become a billionaire overnight for starting a very important company that no one has heard of
ENTJ: YOUR BOSS
- is the only person who actually knows what they’re doing
- started taking on leadership roles since birth (re: shoved the doctor out of the way to cut their own umbilical cord)
- shows love via loud criticism – is only trying to help you help yourself
- so DONEEE with incompetence
ISFJ: MILLENNIAL MOM
- shares so many Facebook posts that fb definitely knows who they voted for/where they shop at/intimate details even they don’t know
- actually writes Amazon reviews (thank you)
- replies to all messages from fam within 30 seconds
- attends annual mom convention just to maintain their status (Level 10 Mom Friend™)
ESFJ: FOODIES
- has multiple social platforms to display their culinary skills (STATUS: black belt)
- charming AF but WILL throw shade if provoked
- hair is goals
- listed on Huffington Post as top 21 Pinterest users to follow
INTP: THE FUTURE™
- obsessed with the possibilities of the future
- topics all INTPs are pre-programmed to get excited about: AI, start-ups, technology, STEM jokes
- may combust when stupid arguments are portrayed as facts
- procrastination level: over 9000
ENTP: BROGRAMMERS
- speaks a foreign language invented by them
- beer parties & philosophical debates are always lit
- pretty WOKE actually
- Nerd™
INFJ: MODERN HIPSTER
- had first quarter life crisis at 15
- your official therapist
- writes self-love/compassion/know-yourself/nostalgia posts for a website
- stares through a window from time to time looking contemplative
ENFJ: GRASSROOTS CHAMPION
- actually has their life together despite repeat quarter life crises
- persuasive AF
- “I do what I want, I don’t need your validation … but also I consider how it affects everyone around me and how I’ll be perceived”
- won Volunteer of the Year award every year for the last 5 years; got promoted to presenting the Volunteer of the Year award instead
ENFP: EXUBERANTS
- lives off of the Likes of friends and random Internet strangers
- needs social validation through an IV drip
- will most likely die of FOMO
- life motto: pics or it didn’t happen
- golden retriever but looks like a person (cute either way)
INFP: UNDEREMPLOYED
- Feelings™
- overqualified for all the jobs but doesn’t know what jobs they actually care enough to apply for
- posts are always either WOKE AF or self-deprecating
- hopes and dreams are on life support
ESTP: WANDERLUST™
- bucket-list longer than Santa’s list
- only has semi-naked pics on Tinder
- knows the most important words in every language (i.e. “what’s your phone number”)
- no honey, don’t call them; yes, they’re definitely seeing other people
ISTP: SHUT OUTs
- self-employed
- will low-key land a steady 6 figure job for being in the right place at the right time
- moonlights as a hand model
- credit card ebills show 20% of income spent on Redbull/coffee
ESFP: YOUTUBE VLOGGER
- EXTRA AF™
- somehow amassed a HUGE following from weekly 10 minute videos about their day
- will fake their death if no one is paying attention to them
- actually really savage
- sparkly
ISFP: PROFESSIONAL SELFIES TAKER
- living embodiment of the word “aesthetic”
- hair/style/make-up/art is goals
- snapchat game is on point
- etsy is only their side hussle
- flower crowns filters
perfectlypersuasive